


you are not my everything (but you are enough)

by thedork101



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Lots of Angst, also rika memories, and cursing, be warned my dudes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 02:25:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9636713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedork101/pseuds/thedork101
Summary: Even with blotchy skin and red-rimmed eyes you were still beautiful to him, a beautiful broken mess just waiting to be fixed. And he wants to, wants to glue the shattered pieces together and make you whole again, no matter how bloody his fingers will be after, no matter how much it’ll hurt in the process.-Where Yoosung fucks up and compares you with Rika (again)





	

**Author's Note:**

> italics are flashbacks if you couldn't tell. hope you enjoy! feel free to comment (please)

Who knew a slip of a name could cause this much damage? 

There are tears decorating your porcelain cheeks with zigzagged patterns, streaks of pain trailing down the flushed skin and it drip drip drips off your chin, hitting the floor with mini splashes. There's a lump in his throat that refuses to leave no matter how many times he's tried swallowing it down and his vision is blurring, the moisture in his eyes and the tightening in his chest is unmistakable.

Still, with a heart that won't stop aching, he refuses to look away from you. 

Even with blotchy skin and red-rimmed eyes you were still beautiful to him, a beautiful broken mess just waiting to be fixed. And he wants to, wants to glue the shattered pieces together and make you whole again, no matter how bloody his fingers will be after, no matter how much it’ll hurt in the process. Your lips part; he wants to kiss them. 

"I'm not her," you mumble, and Yoosung is left breathless from the punch to his gut. "I'll never be her Yoosung, I-I can't be who you want me to be." Your shoulders are quaking and he can see how hard it is for you, but he refuses to let go, to let you go. 

He reaches out and you flinch at his touch, the soft brush of his fingertips against your wet cheek burns your skin.  
"You're so selfish, so fucking selfish Yoosung," your voice breaks, and he loves the way your nose scrunches up, loves all of you. But why can't you see that? "It's always about her, all you ever seem to think about is her...!"

"That's not true," he’s shaking his head and he steps closer to you, only for you to pull back. You swat his hand away as if his touch repulses you, his fingers trembling in their place. He tries to ignore the sting of betrayal in his chest, slowly letting his arm drop to his side as he continues to watch you fall apart at the seams.

"I love you Yoosung," your body is trembling, he wants to hold you. "But you don't love me for me... You love only what you want to see." His eyes sting with tears and he's shaking his head, slowly, dreading for what's to come. Yoosung's lips part, his protest already starting to be said before- 

"I'm done Yoosung... It's over."

He watches, in sadness, in love, as you wipe at the tears with the sleeve of your sweater and lift your head to look at him. Your eyes are cold, steely, and his heart cracks at the sight. He wants to say no, he wants to grab onto you and never let go. He doesn't. 

"Okay," he says instead. Holds love to his temple, pulls the trigger, the fleeting memory of a smiling you flashes to the front of his mind. It hurts. It hurts. "I'm okay with that."

He's not. 

Your eyes are soft; why do you look so relieved? 

After a long struggle, you manage to force a smile onto your face but it quivers, and ultimately cracks as you say, quietly, brutally, "Goodbye Yoosung." 

I love you.

"I hope you find someone who can make you happier."

I love you.

"I wish you the best of happiness."

Don't leave me. 

I love you.

 

-

 

_"It's strange..."_

_"What is, Yoosung?"_

_"You know the monarch butterfly right? It's strange that the viceroy is so similar to it..."_

 

-

 

Yoosung is trying, trying so hard and so desperately not to fall apart. He's on his knees, staring at the spot you once stood. 

What was wrong with him? 

There's tears on his face and cracks in his heart and he wonders, faintly, if you've managed to get home safely. 

His fingers twitch. 

He wants to call you and make sure you're safe, but that special privilege is gone now; you took it from him the moment you stepped out that door and left. 

Yoosung slowly, carefully lowers himself to the ground, wet cheek pressing against the cool wood surface. 

Gone is the soft glow you gave him the moment you stumbled over the RFA, replaced with a slow, dull ache that throbs every time his heart beats.

He wants to grab the useless organ and throw it away; there's no point in having it anyway, not when you're not here to take it. His chest is heavy and Yoosung wonders if this is what all heartbroken people feel like. 

"Rika...", he whispers, but doesn't get an answer and the bitter taste on his tongue is a little sour now. He turns to lay on his back, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. 

"What do I do now, Rika?" 

 

-

 

_"Hm, but even so, they are both different..."_

_"How?"_

_"The monarch is toxic to predators, the viceroy is not. Their wings, their habits, everything about them is different from each other, it's just hard to see."_

_She smiles._

_He wants to see her smile again._

_He misses that bright smile, the one that guided him, the one that made him who he is today._

_"It's like people, yes? Each and every one of us is different from one another. We are all unique and valuable in our own way."_

_He wants to see her._

_He wants to see her one last time._

_"So, Yoosung," she says. "Always remember, though it is hard to find differences in similar things, they are still there."_

_God please..._

_"You just have to try your best and find them." ___

_-_

A loud tune is what jars him from his sleep, catchy but obnoxious. 

He groans at the noise grating his ears, sucking in a deep breath through his nose as he tries to remember who he is, his mind hazed from sleep. 

Yoosung turns to lay on his side, wincing at the ache in his shoulders, and presses at the ground with a hand, trying to find balance as he pushes himself up. He rises unsteadily on his feet and tries to get back his bearings. 

His eyes, crusty and gross from sleep and dried tears, flutters to an open, only to be greeted by the night's shadows casted over his living room. The ringing never ceases to stop, vibrating insistently on the coffee table and he stumbles over to see what all the fuss is about. 

There's a fleeting hope in his chest that screams, "It must be _________!" His heart pounds excitedly at the thought. 

But he knows it's not you. This ringtone is not yours and the disappointment is a cold splash of reality to Yoosung, grabbing his phone with a shaking hand and flipping it open. 

He holds it up to his ear without looking at the contact name, sitting back against the couch with a soft grunt. "Hello?" He hopes he doesn't sound as hollow as he feels. 

The person on the other side sucks in a breath and Yoosung recognizes the sound, his fingers itching to hang up. "Not now hyung...," his tone is pleading, tired, the familiar stinging in the back of his eyes a warning for what's to come. "Please not now..." 

"They're crying right now. What did you do?" 

With his heart in his throat and a crushing reminder that he made you cry, hot tears made their presence known, sliding down his flushed cheeks in patterned streaks. "I did it again," he murmurs, his voice breaking. "I didn't meant to, and I did it again..." 

Seven doesn't speak for a moment and Yoosung takes this time to lessen the weight on his chest. He cries, weeping and mourning over something he once had but lost and it's all his fault, it's all his fucking fault. 

"Deep breaths Yoosung," Seven's voice is uncharacteristically soft as if he was trying to soothe the blonde. Yoosung hadn't realized he was breathing this hard, a burning in his chest spreading throughout his body like wildfire as he gasps desperately for air. A strangled sob is ripped from his throat, his eyes clenched shut so tightly it hurt. "You're okay, you'll be okay... Calm down, just focus on breathing." 

His head is spinning and he tries to follow Seven's instructions, slowing his breathing the best he could under these circumstances. "I just-," he sniffles. "I fucked up. I keep fucking things up between us and now I'll never see them again...!" 

It's the first time he's cursed this much and he wishes you were here to scold him for it. Hell, he wishes you were here period. 

Silence is all he gets in return. 

Then, a loud sigh. 

"I'll text you the address to Rika's apartment," Yoosung's heart stops beating for a second, his breath hitching in his throat. No fucking way. "Just don't tell anyone okay? And be careful! Don't screw this up!" 

His lips curve into a watery smile. "Thank you, hyung," he croaks. "Thank you." 

_-_

__"I found the differences, Rika, I found them..."_ _

_-_

His fist is hovering over the wooden exterior, hesitant and shaky. 

There's a churning in his stomach and the nauseating feeling has him breaking out into a cold sweat, his breathing as wobbly as his quaking legs. His heart pounds in his ears, his throat. 

His mind is blank, the uncertainty of what he should do or say to you once he knocks on that door eating away at his insides, the anxiety crawling up his throat. Yoosung’s knuckles brush against the cool surface and he takes a moment to swallow down his fears. ‘Seven’s sacrifice should not be in vain’, Yoosung tries to convince himself. ‘Just knock on the door and explain yourself. That’s it.’ 

One soft, barely audible knock on the door. 

No answer. 

He inhales, deeply, and knocks once more, louder this time. 

There's a faint sound of footsteps on the other side of the door and Yoosung wants to run, he can't do this he can't he ca- 

The door swings open with a click and he almost sobs in relief when he sees you, his body itching to surge forward and embrace you, an itch he must suppress, for your sake and his. 

When you meet Yoosung's gaze, it’s hazy, disbelieving, and you look on the verge of breaking down. "Why are you here?", you say, the words feeling weak despite the anger that had been boiling in the pit of your stomach for hours after you left. 

It hasn’t been that long since he last saw you, but the aching in his chest and the longing in his heart makes it feel like it’s been forever. 

It seems his hands are tired of waiting, reaching out from where they’re pressed against his sides up to your face to make you look at Yoosung properly, and he kisses you. 

It only lasts a heartbeat, a warm press of lips. Yoosung lets you break away, but he doesn’t pull back, faces but a breath apart as he stares at you. Some sort of explanation, or apology, he doesn’t know, is on the tip of Yoosung's tongue. He’s overstepped his boundaries, fuck, he knows he has. But he's missed this, he's missed you, so fucking badly and the gaping hole in his chest grows even bigger when you look up at him, beautiful eyes ablaze with anger. Your mouth opens and he hurries to cut in, anxious for you to hear what he has to say first. 

“Let me explain,” he pleads and watches as your shoulders slump, his own sagging in relief. Yoosung doesn’t want to cry, but a little whimper cracks his calm façade and screws everything up. And you suddenly realize that Yoosung’s been crying, too. He’s been crying all along, perhaps before he showed up. 

“Rika…,” his Adam’s apple bobs up, stops, and doesn’t come down. His voice breaks. “Rika helped me out a lot, you know? She… She was there for me when no one else was, the one who guided me, encouraged me to do my best, hell, she helped me realize what I wanted to do in the future!” A hysterical laugh leaves his mouth and he cards his fingers through his hair, golden strands settling messily atop his head, shining in the light. 

“So when she… When she died, I…” 

_Inhale._

_Exhale._

“I…” 

_Breathe…_

“I lost myself and then- and then all of the sudden, you stumbled in,” he reaches out and laces his fingers into yours and holds them together. “And I felt better than I had in months, you were something that kept me grounded and- and you supported me…” A grimace mars his features; you want to kiss it away. “And I fucked up, I let my delusions fuck up what we have and god, I’m sorry. For then, and for now, I’m sorry.” 

A ragged gasp and then lips are slotting over his, all warm and soft and everything he's been wanting since the moment you walked out his door. His hands grab desperately at your cheeks, pulling and pulling, desperate for your familiar touch, until you're forced to break away for air, breaths harsh and heavy. 

"Rika is not my everything," he speaks, and his entire being is trembling. "And neither are you, but you are enough. You're more than enough." His voice cracks and you watch, in sadness, in fascination, as he bursts into tears, his teeth gritted to keep in his pitiful sobs. 

"I'm sorry," he chokes and his hands are shaking but his grip is firm. His thumbs rub soothing circles into your skin, your eyes fluttering to a close as hot tears continue to roll down your cheeks. "I'm sorry _______..." 

A heartbeat later and you’re fisting at his shirt, tugging him closer forcibly. "I forgive you," you say and turn your head to kiss the palm of his hand, the sound of his breath hitching gracing your ears. "I forgive you so don't cry anymore, please..." Your voice wavers and he pulls you in, your nose bumping into his shoulder and the embrace is awkward and painful but Yoosung is here, he's going to be okay, everything will be okay. 

“I love you,” he whispers and you nose at the crook of his neck. 

_Inhale._

_Exhale._

_“I love you too, I love you Yoosung…”_

**Author's Note:**

> hihi hello friends, tis I, yoosungimagines from tumblr
> 
> I thought maybe if I were to get any comments on here I'd be motivated to write more so here I am //jazz hands//
> 
> Thank you, dear reader, for reading this ahh, it will mean so much to me if you were to comment, whether it be criticism or a pointer, anything! Thank you so much! Have a nice day


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